• One of the people who ended in the money left the tournament several hours before it ended
• A player was eliminated from the tournament twice
• A winner of the tournament was announced twice
• The tournament temporarily had a phantom player, who later appeared
• Neil has a nice house
• An HGPA member wins a tournament for the third time, earning a third place on the trophy
• Unless I’m mistaken no one bought in more than twice
• We barely saw any straights, flushes, or boats. The whole night was about pair, two pair, and trips a couple of times. Kickers played a lot.
• Snazzy winner’s plaque (photo to follow)
• Neil got kissed during the tournament
• A major all-in was called based on the position of a woman’s accessories
• Ward’s bladder was a major component in the speed of the tournament
• Enough actual chairs for everyone present
• We all saw Ward get high
• We all saw Jarrod leave the game, with money on the table, because he was too high
• I got to pick the music all night long. Ha!

Standings

• 12. Merrick
• 11. Chris “Party” Hardie
• 10. Warden
• 9. Tiger
• 8. Neil
• 7. Miguel
• 6. Drake
• 5. Hylander
• 4. Shep
• 3. “Jarrod” – ¤80¹
• 2. Bob “J” – ¤120
• 1. Big Red – ¤200

(People in bold are previous tournament winners. People in italics where first time HGPA tournament attendees.)

Photos

From left to right we have Tiger, Miguel, Ward, Jarrod, Merrick, Paul, Neil’s Beer Keg (glasses are for lesser men), and Hyland.

Paul struggles to understand the pile of chips he’s won. Neil’s head appears slightly in frame, without the obscuring effect of his mighty keg.

(Courtesy of the new laser engraver at R & M Rubber Stamp, a.k.a “the business Tiger owns”.)

Details

One of the people who ended in the money left the tournament several hours before it ended

This would be Jarrod, who begged off with most of a buyin in chips still sitting at the table. Rather than have us blind him out, Ward (already eliminated at this point) volunteered to play for Jarrod. This lead to a 3rd place finish, putting “Jarrod” in the money. This also lead to a lot of Ward referring to himself in the third-person as Jarrod, which very nearly got to punchable levels of annoying.

A player was eliminated from the tournament twice

This would be Ward, first eliminated as himself, and then later as “Jarrod”.

A winner of the tournament was announced twice

During the hand the eliminated “Jarrod”, Bob and I were both all-in. The flop had been . Ward’s hand was irrelevant. Bob showed up his hole cards as and he was heart-broken when I turned over , dominating him. Bob begged the gods for a three on the turn or river, but they came down and . Since my kicker beat Bob’s, and he hadn’t hit the magic card he needed, the hand was announced to me, eliminating both “Jarrod” and Bob at the same time… for a second. Until Tiger realized that the kickers didn’t play, and both Bob and I had a pair of aces to play along with the from the board. Bob and I both should have seen it, but in our defense it was 2:30 in the morning. (The very next hand was also an all in showdown between Bob and I, versus . Bob had me whupped pre-flop, but the flop had an ace in it, and it held up. Just for good measure the river was a third ace.)

The tournament temporarily had a phantom player, who later appeared

This would be Chris “Mr. Poker” Hardie, who threw in ¤20 to get blinded out, but who was later rejected from the Girl’s Party and figured he might as well play some poker. Until he went all-in against me, that is!

Neil has a nice house

Nothing really to add here. It’s a nice place. The colour scheme matches the cast of Clue.

An HGPA member wins a tournament for the third time, earning a third place on the trophy

Yes, that would be me, pulling ahead of the pack.

Unless I’m mistaken no one bought in more than twice

This is a really odd thing, and probably ties into the tight play item mentioned below. We didn’t have a lot of big moves in the early play (aside from the second hand, where my trip queens turned into a boat on the river to crush Bob’s trip queens with a superior kicker), so there weren’t a lot of rebuys in the rounds when it was an option. As the person who eventually won, I am somewhat saddened by this, since it meant the pot was smaller than it might have been, and I could always use more quatloos. On the other hand, this was one of the most fun tournaments we’ve had because of the improved play…

We barely saw any straights, flushes, or boats. The whole night was about pair, two pair, and trips a couple of times. Kickers played a lot.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I managed to make a number of good laydowns, and I think there was a lot of that going around. Mostly there was aggressive protective betting early on, which tended to drive out most draws. This, coupled with the good laydowns, meant that when we actually got to the showdown it was normally two pair at most that we saw.

Snazzy winner’s plaque

See the photo above.

Neil got kissed during the tournament

I really hope this has never happened before. Of course, almost immediately after his “kiss for luck” and reminder that he had to win some patio furniture money, Neil busted out, so maybe this wasn’t a good thing.

A major all-in was called based on the position of a woman’s accessories

This was me busting out Mr. Poker. I needed to decide whether or not his all-in bet was a sign of strong hand, or a sign that he was preparing to leave shortly. I called in his girlfriend, who was observed by several people at the table to be wearing her purse on her shoulder. This was interpreted as a sign that Hardie had been given, or was being given, the “time to go” signal. Armed with this read, I called his all-in, and won the hand, busting him out.

Ward’s bladder was a major component in the speed of the tournament

Dude needs to get a catheter before the next tournament. It takes him longer to piss than it does to shuffle.

Enough actual chairs for everyone present

Although with 12 at the table, we couldn’t actually all face in to the table, at least we all had a place to sit. And what’s more, all of them were chairs with backs, a definite improvement over the common HGPA experience.

We all saw Ward get high

While this did not help with his “speaking in the third person” issue, it did seem to improve his play.

We all saw Jarrod leave the game, with money on the table, because he was too high

Jarrod is the worst smoker ever, especially when you factor in experience.

I got to pick the music all night long. Ha!

High points of the night included Emerson, Lake, and Powell making heroic feelings rise in Neil, and that one Parliament song (during the 120 minute Parliament mix) that Neil wanted to sample for his doorbell. Oh, and the mocking of Tom Waits’ Hold On–until I announced that it was my favourite Waits song, and then proceeded to win two important hands while it was playing.

1. The generic currency symbol ¤ is used here to represent “quatloos”, the pretend currency we plan in, since we would never engage in anything as legally questionable as gambling for actual money. [back]

I have some pretty amusing player profiles (in their own words), and the tournament results after the jump.

We ended up with 13 competitors, which necessitated a split into two tables during the early part of the tournament. If we had been playing for money¹ we would have had the largest tournament pot in the history of the HGPA.

After the tournament there were cash games² until almost 4AM. While I did not last long enough in the tournament to get into the money³ I did pretty well in the after games, and had we been playing for money⁴ I certainly would have made enough in the after games to cover my hypothetical tournament expenditures.

This event generated one full dishwasher worth of dishes, one large garbage bag of garbage, and two large blue bags full of empties (plus two bottles of Green Ginger Wine–The Whiskey Mick is a powerful thing.)

And now, please allow me to present the tournament participants, in the order of their performance, and in their own words:

1. Which, of course, we were not, since that would be illegal [back]
2. Where “cash game” is, of course, slang for “not tournament style” and not any reference to playing for money–because that would be illegal [back]
3. Where “into the money” is, of course, slang for “finishing in one of the top three places” and not any reference to playing for money–because, say it with me, that would be illegal [back]
4. Which, we certainly would never do. Honest. [back]

I’m not sure what this says about everyone who didn’t make it into the money…

Anyways: The tourney was another rousing success, even without our reigning champ Chris there or the likes of Alex, Bob, Tiger, Ward, Cal or Jarrod cluttering things up.

Eleven entrants, split for a long while into two tables (5/6). Several rebuys, a lot of reloads and the pot swelled to a delicious $400.

Once again the tourney ran far too long (a full six hours, 9 p.m.-3 a.m.), prompting this observer to suggest a 20 min capped round time limit on these things.

Lots of good moments, but since it was more that 24 hours ago I don’t recall any of them. Good times, though.

Order of Elimination

11 – Cracker

10 – Dan Melvin

9 – Drake

8 – Neil

7 – Hyland

6 – Sean Jordan

5 – Speedbag

4 – Smiley

3 – Merrick ($80)

2 – Dirty ($120)

Grand Champion – Claming his first tourney win was Miller, netting $200 for his efforts which will surely salve some of the recent losses he has incurred at the weekly game. It was hard to not imagine him winning, since he hit quads an amazing four times through the night.

Since I was far too dazed after 2.5 hours of dealing cards to snap a picture, here’s an artist’s rendition of Eric enjoying his spoils:

Fun times, gents.

A strong turnout that necessitated the use of two tables, this was a tourney for the record books in more ways than one.

I honestly have no way to know exactly what went during some of the early phase play, so please forgive any omissions or oversights.

Highlights:

* Cal only “bought in twice” despite a near constant exchange of twenty dollar bills for new stacks of chips.

* Kevin, the “patsy” Chris brought along actually seemed to know how to play poker, despite early reports to the contrary.

* Cracker busted out twice within the first round, and after refusing to buy in again, was officially the first person out.

* Mal literally didn’t play a single hand except for his big blinds for the first round and a half of play.

* Neil missed a chance to triple up when he nailed his straight on the turn, only to see the board hit a full straight on the river, thus splitting the pot back. Argh.

* Hyland spoke about five words all night.

* The tables combined when we got down to eight people. It was thought at this point that there’d be about another hour or so of poker. We were way off.

* Neil actually spent far more time dealing poker (3.5 hours) than he did playing poker (1.5 hours).

* Mal actually hit quad-aces in the later rounds but couldn’t get anyone to bite.

Order of Elimination12 – Cracker, playing true to form.

11 – Neil, see above.

10 – Miller, who brought chairs to save the day.

9 – Cal, who occasionally actually had cards.

8 – Bob, clearly lacking in Donair Power.

7 – Ward, who just wanted to go to the party anyways.

6 – Drake, who apparently had “the balls” but not “the cards”.

5 – Kevin, who shall herefore be referred to as “Patsy”.

4 – Hyland, who ended up in the worst possible spot given the investment of time.

3 – Dunwoody, who also earned $20 for taking out Drake.
Total Take: $114 + $20.

2 – Mal, whose early silent play payed literal dividends.
Total Take: $171

GRAND CHAMPION
Chris, with his first tourney win, long overdue.
Total Take: $285
(new record)

Total Pot: A staggering $590 (another new record)
Time Played: A mind-boggling 5h58mins (yet another new record)
Quote of the Night: “Man, I really wish I knew what cards you had right now.” - Chris, while debating whether or not he should call Cal in large hand in the early stages.

Great times had by all in this marathon of a tourney. Please fill the comments with things I have missed/forgotten/don’t care about so all will know of the greatness that was this debauchle.